Starting School Tips: How We Prepared Emotionally (Not Just With a Shopping List)

If you search “starting school tips,” you’ll mostly find checklists of lunchboxes, water bottles, and name labels. We’ve done some of that—but the things that have mattered most for my daughter are the emotional preparations, not the shiny new pencil case.

Starting school isn’t just about phonics or remembering PE kit days. It’s about stepping into a space where everything—faces, routines, expectations—is brand new. And the weeks before, the morning of, and the days after all matter for how children adapt.

If you’ve been wondering how to prepare your child for school emotionally, here’s exactly what we’ve done.

How to Prepare Your Child for School in the Weeks Before

The weeks before school are all about building emotional safety and familiarity—not overwhelming them with “you’re going to school soon!” every day.

• Talk about school gently – I’ve mentioned it like it’s a normal, everyday part of life, not a huge pressure point. This avoids overloading her nervous system.

• Visit without pressure – We’ve had lots of visits to the school - some arranged by them, but other times, we just wandered past the school gates and played in the park nearby. Familiarity can help it feel safer on the first day.

• Share your own ‘new’ stories – I told her about starting a new job and described how my body felt (a wobbly tummy, like something heavy was on my chest, feeling fidgety). It helps normalise those feelings.

• Create a connection object – We have matching little fabric hearts for school days. When she squeezes hers, she knows I’ve got mine too—our invisible connection.

• Read picture books about starting school:

  • The Invisible String by Patrice Karst – A gentle story about staying connected even when apart.

  • Llama Llama Misses Mama by Anna Dewdney – Perfect for talking about missing each other and reuniting.

  • I Am Too Absolutely Small for School by Lauren Child – Funny and reassuring for nervous starters.

The Day Before School: Keep It Calm

Many “school readiness” checklists focus on packing bags, but for emotional readiness, calm is key.

• Stick to predictable routines – No last-minute shopping or crammed schedules.

• Let them choose dinner – Even if it’s pasta with ketchup. Familiar food is comforting.

• Lightly rehearse the goodbye – “We’ll walk to your classroom, hug, check we have our little hearts, wave, then I’ll head home.” Predictability can help soothe separation anxiety.

First Day of School Morning Routine (Without the Stress)

• We plan to wake up earlier than usual to remove rushing from the equation.

• Give her the connection object (the little fabric heart) and I'll remind her that I have mine too.

• Use a short, consistent goodbye routine – A hug, a kiss, a wave, and go. Long goodbyes can make separation harder.

After School: Helping Your Child Regulate

If you’ve been searching how to help my child after school, know this: the hours after pick-up are not just “free time.” They’re recovery time for your child’s body and brain.

The school day is full of sensory input—noise, movement, smells, textures, and constant social negotiation. Even if your child loves school, their nervous system has been on all day.

Here’s what we're planning in our home:

• Expect the crash – Sometimes that means tears before you’ve even left the playground. Other times it’s a total emotional shutdown. This is normal—think of it as their “emotional backpack” spilling open when they’re finally safe with you.

• Feed first, talk later – I'll have a snack ready before she even gets into the car. Having other needs met makes room for more regulated processing.

• Offer predictable “after school anchors” – A snack at the table, ten minutes of TV together, or a favourite song in the car can signal “you’re home now, you can relax.”

• Let them choose how to decompress – My daughter might need to run wild in the garden, and or maybe just lay on the sofa watching Bluey. Both are valid ways of releasing the day.

• Avoid overloading them with questions – “How was school?” can feel huge when they’ve already used up all their words. Instead, offer small prompts later: “Tell me one thing that made you smile today.”

• Keep evenings slow – This isn't a possibility for many families, but where you can, keep after-school clubs or activities to a minimum for the first term. They might need some time to adjust to a new environment and different pace.

Supporting Your Child in the First Weeks of School

Many parents (and schools) focus on the first day, but the emotional transition is far longer. For some children, the real wobbles appear after the novelty wears off—sometimes weeks in.

Here’s what we’re doing to make the adjustment smoother:

• Stick to gentle, predictable mornings – We'll be keeping the same wake-up time, same order of getting ready, same breakfast choices. Predictability = safety.

• Notice and name bravery – “You joined in the game today even though you didn’t know all the rules—that was brave.” This builds a sense of competence.

• Expect delayed reactions – Some children sail through week one, then have a meltdown in week three. That’s not regression—it’s their system catching up.

• Create weekend breathing space – We'll keep Saturdays slow, with plenty of unstructured time, and avoid filling both weekend days with activities.

• Watch for sensory overload – A child who comes home hyperactive, irritable, or ‘bouncing off the walls’ might need sensory regulation (jumping on a trampoline, cuddling in a blanket, a warm bath).

• Keep bedtime earlier – In the first weeks, some children might need extra sleep to process the day. Even 20–30 minutes earlier can make a difference to mood and resilience.

• Keep connection strong – Small rituals—like sharing a silly handshake, reading the same bedtime book each night, or having a two-minute cuddle before school—remind them they’re safe and loved, even when the day is unpredictable.

Looking After Your Own Nervous System

Your child will mirror your emotional state. If you’re anxious, they’ll feel it.

• Breathe before drop-off – Slow, deep breaths calm your body.

• Keep your goodbye face calm – Even if you cry in the car afterwards.

• Plan a grounding post-drop-off ritual – A walk, a coffee, or calling a friend.

Starting School and Sleep

Big transitions can cause tiredness, night wakings, or earlier mornings.

• Try doing an earlier bedtime for the first few weeks. For most, 15-30 minutes earlier will be enough.

• Stick to your wind-down routine – Low light, quiet voices, familiar steps.

• Offer extra comfort at night – Sometimes night waking is just their brain processing the day.

Preparing for school isn’t just uniforms and labels—it’s helping your child feel safe, connected, and ready to explore, no matter where the day takes them.